The Month of May

May marks 1 year

When I chose to lose her

You Venmo me half for the plastic containers

Hold me in immense pain until it’s over

When is it over?

There’s nothing to regret

Those bandana phases hid purple secrets beneath their pattern

You run rabid & reckless

Chase anything but safety & a future with me

I’m not innocent

I hit you with a fury

Screaming in many streets

How could you lie and fuck over, and over, then still come home?

How did we look each other in the eyes?

How did we ever speak I love yous?

It was never real

Maybe next to the fire that full moon

Maybe in the hot springs on Christmas Day

That was the best day of my life

Naked, fingers searching for fake diamonds in the volcanic ash

The best water that’s ever touched my lips

The skeleton you surprised me with

The handmade box, the jewelry I still hold precious

You’re exquisite in my eyes

I held on to that day for 4 years

The only thing worth holding on to

Remember your relapse?

Remember catching your lies from the inside?

Remember every promise you broke?

Proof lives on those blue lines I left you with

At least you’re able to erase some written in graphite

You’ve already done that though with that twisted mind of yours

Perhaps I did too

May 2

Her birthday coming

Our memorial approaching

There was no life once we drove off into the sunset

That’s the funny thing

I never wanted to leave

But I followed you anyways

That was the darkest night I ever saw

The sky glistened in a way I thought impossible in nowhere Kansas

The last time I saw the light in you