The Month of May
May marks 1 year
When I chose to lose her
You Venmo me half for the plastic containers
Hold me in immense pain until it’s over
When is it over?
There’s nothing to regret
Those bandana phases hid purple secrets beneath their pattern
You run rabid & reckless
Chase anything but safety & a future with me
I’m not innocent
I hit you with a fury
Screaming in many streets
How could you lie and fuck over, and over, then still come home?
How did we look each other in the eyes?
How did we ever speak I love yous?
It was never real
Maybe next to the fire that full moon
Maybe in the hot springs on Christmas Day
That was the best day of my life
Naked, fingers searching for fake diamonds in the volcanic ash
The best water that’s ever touched my lips
The skeleton you surprised me with
The handmade box, the jewelry I still hold precious
You’re exquisite in my eyes
I held on to that day for 4 years
The only thing worth holding on to
Remember your relapse?
Remember catching your lies from the inside?
Remember every promise you broke?
Proof lives on those blue lines I left you with
At least you’re able to erase some written in graphite
You’ve already done that though with that twisted mind of yours
Perhaps I did too
Her birthday coming
Our memorial approaching
There was no life once we drove off into the sunset
That’s the funny thing
I never wanted to leave
But I followed you anyways
That was the darkest night I ever saw
The sky glistened in a way I thought impossible in nowhere Kansas
The last time I saw the light in you