I am a giver.
I share yoga + meditation as a career.
I capture intimate moments with my camera that will live in people's homes + hearts forever.
I build brands + businesses with a unique perspective.
I give to any & everyone who hires me, and I'd like to think to all in need, whether it's a smile, $, or a conversation with a stranger.
These moments bring me joy, they provide me with freedom in life through the form of money & career growth. This does not equal happiness or fulfillment to me.
That I have yet to find. I'm so hard on myself. I don't feel like I'm good enough or that anything will ever settle me or bring me peace. I'm always striving, fighting, moving in 1000 directions... for what?
I am open to give give give but I am not open to receive.
In savasana yesterday this harsh realization floated by.
Earlier in the day I stopped to recognize the gorgeous blooming lilacs in the rain. The beauty, the aroma, the experience grounded me to the present & simply took over my senses. Pure joy, pure peace.
I've only learned how to receive love in the form of romantic relationships.
A man is the only thing that can fulfill me. They must take care of my needs, take care of me & bring me that final peace & happiness in my life.
I know this is utter bullshit, but that's what I grew up on & chose to believe as my truth.
Many relationships later, I'm choosing me. I will be open to receive love from nature, blooming flowers, the mighty sun, the powerful ocean, the magic in the stars. I will be open to receive love from my girls, in those laughs that hurt my face + belly, in the clinking glass in celebration of the memories on the dance floor. I will be open to receive love in the form of learning, making mistakes, getting hurt, through being let down.
I will be loved & taken care of romantically. I will be an amazing partner because I am generously taking care of myself first - always a work in progress.
I am loved. I can love myself better. We can all be open to receiving joy + peace, however we please.